After a long hard day of working, my family went out to Taco Bell for a mid-afternoon lunch/dinner. There are eight of us in my family so we don’t always get to eat out. When we do, though, it’s guaranteed to be a good time. My oldest sister is the only other true baseball fan so she and I decided to play a little game. We called this game, “Which Item on the Taco Bell Menu Board Most Closely Resembles Which Member of the Chicago White Sox.” At first it was challenging but once we got the hang of it we were on a roll. Or in this case a tortilla.
The Volcano Burrito This item on the board looks is a mystery. You don’t know what you’re gonna get on the inside, whether it’s going to be the hottest thing you’ve ever eaten or if it’s going to let you down. At a reasonable price you aren’t reall out much if you go for it but you’ll most likely be let down. We gave the title of Volcano Burrito to Alex Rios.
The Grande Meal A huge meal capable of filling an entire person before they know what hit them. It’s got a lot of punch and some great variety, and even comes with a soft drink! In honor of the size of this item we gave former Sox closer Bobby Jenks the Grande Meal.
Nachos Yes, just plain old nachos. You know exactly what you’re getting because the name tells you what it is. There are Nachos Supreme and Nachos Bell Grande but we chose just nachos. An everyday food that can sometimes be taken for granted, you don’t realize what you’re missing until you get it again. Mark Buehrle, anyone?
XXL Chalupa This item is newer to the Taco Bell menu than most of the previous ones. The commerical boasts that this chalupa is so big you’ll need someone else to finish it for you. I’ve had a XXL Chalupa and it wasn’t all that great. It was overhyped and overpriced and just didn’t come through like I thought it would. Had the pricing been lower I may have lowered my expectations, but no, all I left with was disappointment. Maybe if they changed the approach and gave it some time to live on the menu it could be a threat. For now it’s nothing but Adam Dunn.
The Mexican Pizza Gordon Beckham. My sister says there’s hair in every one of these.
Crunchwrap Supreme This guy has been around for a few years but still manages to go unnoticed. Those who have enjoyed it, though, know that it can be a real weapon when in need. Filling enough to get you through, not big enough to leave you with a stomach ache, and just the right combination of everything to be a winner. Alexei Ramirez.
Soft Shell Taco Ahh, the classic. Tortilla, cheese, meat, and lettuce. This one has been around forever and yet it is still a fan favorite. There’s no doubt in my mind that Paul Konerko is the clear choice here.
Hard Shell Taco Similar to the soft shell in every way save for the fact that the shell is hard. Hence “hard shell taco.” The outer shell can be friendly or it can betray the relationship and stab you in the roof of the mouth. A.J. Pierzynski clearly has the characteristics of a hard shell taco.
Everwhere I go I’m reminded of baseball and clearly it’s even worse in the offseason. That’s why I’m glad I have people who are suffering just as much as I am. Actually, she couldn’t care less, she just roots for the team with me and likes to make fun of the players.