Francisco Liriano Does a Bad Job Being Scary

The ol’ “bathroom fall.” I’ve long had a problem with athletes injuring themselves falling in the bathroom. It just doesn’t match up. Sure, people fall in the bathroom all the time, but it seems to me, without conducting any official studies or executing any science that the number of professional athletes that seriously injure themselves falling in the bathroom come at a much higher rate than us ordinary folk. At least if you believe the reports. If any group is to hurt themselves more often falling in the bathroom it should probably be senior citizens, not athletes in near peak physical condition that make a healthy living based on their extreme coordination and athletic ability.

Anyway, short-time White Sox left-hander Francisco Liriano was reported to have broken his non-throwing arm in a bathroom fall this winter in the Dominican Republic. It was possible. It’s always possible. But in “Boy Who Cried Wolf” fashion I chuckled and tried to think of the various possible reasons he actually broke it. Well now we know:

Mr. Calcaterra poses the proper query here. What the devil is going on in that house? It almost seems more outrageous than the bathroom fall story, however nobody really makes up a fake injury story that borders on child torment. So Francisco Liriano tried to be fun, got a little too serious, and then learned his lesson swiftly.

The injury cost Liriano some bucks, as his long-pending contract with the Pittsburgh Pirates turned incentive-laden based on his condition, but has brought us all a valuable lesson about trying to scare children. I’d like to make some sort of joke connecting his lack of control on the mound to this incident, but none seem good enough to repeat. So I’ll leave it to you all to make the jokes.