What candy would Chicago White Sox players be?

Vincent Parise
(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images) /
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The Chicago White Sox have some sweet players. What candy would they be?

When you have a favorite team that is as sweet as the Chicago White Sox, it is easy to compare the players to sweet candy. With Halloween under a week away, it is fun to look at all of the great candies that will be passed around during the festivities. There is a wide variety of delicious candy out there but there are also some less than great candies. It is important to distinguish the good from the bad when building the perfect candy lineup.

1. Tim Anderson – SS – Kit Kat

When talking about a good leadoff man, you need to be talking about someone who brings speed and agility. When speaking of candy, a Kit Kat is the first thing to come to mind. The fact that it can be broken off and eaten piece by piece makes it a perfect leadoff candy. Anybody that leads off their candy eating experience with a Kit Kat is on the path to a big win.

Tim Anderson has the perfect Kit Kat vibe as he has some speed and crunch to his game. If any candy had a winning attitude like Anderson, it would absolutely be the versatile Kit Kat. When Kit Kat gets on base to start a game, you know it is coming around to score.

2. Yoan Moncada – 3B – Snickers

When you think about a versatile baseball player, you should think about Yoan Moncada. This is a guy who can hit, field, and run as good as anyone which is turning him into one of the premier third basemen in all of baseball. A candy that fits that bill is the Snickers. In any candy draft, Snickers has to be selected because of its versatility and reach.

Snickers, like Moncada, is a versatile player. It has crunch, smooth chocolate, and some chewiness to it which shows its versatility. It is certainly a candy that can be eaten in all situations which is exactly what Moncada can do for a baseball team. Each of them is perfect to be batting second in a lineup.

3. Jose Abreu – 1B – Take Five

When you get to Jose Abreu in the White Sox lineup, there are plenty of things to take in. There is a chance for a clutch hit no matter when he comes up to bat. If there were someone who you could handpick to come up in a big-time offensive situation from the Chicago White Sox, you would take Abreu. If you needed a candy that can give you all of your sweet and savory needs wrapped in some chocolate, that is a Take Five.

Abreu can give you a single, double to the gap, or three-run home run any time you need one in the same vein that a Take Five can give you a pretzel, peanut butter, chocolate, peanuts, or caramel any time you need it. It is a multi-talented candy in the same way Abreu is at the plate.

4. Yasmani Grandal – C – Reese’s

The catcher of the ballgame is probably the all-around most important player. Yasmani Grandal is that guy for the White Sox and he gets Reese’s comparison because of its importance to the candy community. If you are building a strong candy lineup, a Reese’s has the be the backstop of it all.

If you don’t have Reese’s in the middle of the lineup nobody is going to take you seriously in the same way that nobody is taking you seriously if your baseball team doesn’t have a good catcher. If this is a game where James McCann is behind the plate, maybe you have Reese’s Fast Break in there which is just as effective as the peanut butter cup.

5. Eloy Jimenez – LF – Baby Ruth

When Eloy Jimenez comes to the plate, you have to be expecting a big boom at any point in time. This is a guy who has so much power in his bat that only the big kid candy can handle. That is why Baby Ruth is the Eloy Jimenez of candy. With a similar name to the Salton of Swat himself in Babe Ruth, this is a candy that packs a lot of power into every bite. When you eat one of those, you feel the strength of a 500-foot ball that lands right in front of the Fundamentals Deck.

6. Luis Robert – CF – M&M’s

Luis Robert might be an MVP caliber player one day soon. The reason that is the case is that he can truly do it all. He is a five-tool player as he can hit for power and contact, run, throw, and field. When you think of M&M, that is definitely a five-tool candy. There is plain milk chocolate, peanut, peanut butter, crispy, caramel, and a variety of others and they are all amazing.

Robert is a great player who can get it done in all areas of baseball which is exactly what different types of M&Ms can do for you. It would be great to have either of these heavy hitters in the middle of your respective lineups.

7. Edwin Encarnacion – DH – Tootsie Pop

Edwin Encarnacion seems to be past his prime. He is still capable of hitting that mammoth home run every now and then but he wasn’t very successful in his first year with the White Sox. A Tootsie Pop seems to be an older candy in the same way that Encarnacion is to baseball. Most of the candy league has passed the Tootsie Pop bye as there are some candies that are younger and more vibrant out there.

Encarnacion will always be remembered for being a fantastic player when he retires but here in 2020, he can only help you to a certain degree. If you have a taste for a Tootsie Pop, it might be fewer and farther between these days but it does happen every now and then. There might have been a day where a Tootsie Pop was higher in the lineup but this seems fair these days.

8. Nomar Mazara – RF – Milky Way

Nomar Mazara is a talented baseball player who can get the job done if you are desperate for an average right fielder but he isn’t a superstar by any means. He is never going to be Mookie Betts out there or anything like that but he is serviceable for the most part. With that said, the White Sox are probably going to be looking to replace him this winter if a good opportunity presents itself.

For that reason, he is a Milky Way. A Milky Way is a fine candy bar but nobody is going out of their way to get one. They can’t compare to Snickers, Reese’s, or Baby Ruth in any way but they are just kind of there. In a big pillowcase full of Halloween candy from the old neighborhood, the Milky Ways are always one of the last to be eaten if at all. At this point, that is where we are with Mazara in the lineup. If you are forced to play Mazara that is okay and if a Milky Way is the only one there when you want some candy bar action, it has the potential to be fine.

9. Nick Madrigal – 2B – Sour Patch Kids

The Chicago White Sox saw Nick Madrigal come up and play well for the most part. With that said, there were a few times where he showed a few rookie warts which made things interesting for a while. He has star player potential but there is a bit more development to go. For that reason, he gets the Sour Patch Kids comparison. There are good Sour Patch Kids flavors and there are some not so good ones. On a good day for Madrigal, he is the blue one and on a bad day, he is the red one.

There is also the slogan “First they’re sour, then they’re sweet” which applies to Madrigal’s game a good amount of the time. The Sour Patch Kids might also be a great candy to have at the bottom of your lineup right before you go back to eating your Kit Kat at the top of the order.

Luis Robert is so fun to watch play baseball. light. Hot

It is important when you are constructing the candy strategies that you put together a lineup of heavy hitters. The White Sox are starting to build that themselves which makes it easy to figure out these candy lineups as well. Hopefully, the White Sox lineup is soon to win a World Series and that everyone enjoys some delicious candy this week and has a Happy Haloween!

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